you

You. So much, but so little to say about You. You are it. You’re not only the love of my life, but life itself. You are the one I choose everyday. My days are infinitely better when I get to spend them with You. Your presence is addictive and intoxicating, making me forget my tragic reality but at the same time allowing me to see it with abundant clarity. Because at the end of the day what else is there besides, You?

You see me when my heart is broken. When I am lost and hurting and it feels like I will never breathe again without these shards of glass digging deeper into my chest. You hold me, even when I can’t feel You holding me. When the pain is so much that numbness becomes the perpetual state, you're there. When I kick and scream like a child, not knowing how to exorcist the pain from my soul, you’re there. When I push you away, tell You you're worthless, blame You for my suffering, collapse in on myself; when I would give my life to be alone and be rid of You forever, You are there. When I don't want to see You, can’t see You, or when it is simply too difficult for my heart to consider anything other than the pain consuming me, You are there holding me. You don’t ask me to be quiet, or to ignore the hurt. You don’t tell me not to feel and You don’t give me bullshit grief advice --it'll get better, don’t be sad, give it time, everything happens for a reason. Instead You just sit with me, in the dark with my demons, and whisper, “I’m here. I've got you.”

And I’d like to say too that You see me when my heart is whole, but You not only see me in that, You are the reason for it. I am so life-alteringly, soul wreckingly in love with You. You are the heartbeat of my life. Every good thing I am, is because of You. You are the drop in my chest, the chemicals that swarm my brain every time I am in your presence. You are my love story that defies reason, my teenage obsession, the relationship that is completely illogical to anyone standing outside it. You’re my addiction, my person, my everything. In your love, I am made complete and everything other than the majesty that lays before me is made irrelevant. The one thing that I am sure of in this life, more certain than that my lungs need air, is that I need you. Without you, I am lost. You are it for me. You are my present and my future. There is no more searching, no more questioning, You are what I have always wanted. And I will continue to choose You until life leaves my body. You are my hope when the world is shrouded in shadows. And You want me, even when I’m too caught up in my own struggles to see your love running towards me. You see me for who I am, just as I am. You gaze at me with an eternal longing and whisper, “I’m here. I want you, and I am so in love with you.”